


Not Enough

by Queen_Bovine



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Depression, Dysphoria, Friendship, Gen, Mettaton is unnamed and uses they/them pronouns because he's pre-transition, Nonbinary Character, Pre-Canon, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-25 13:24:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18575350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen_Bovine/pseuds/Queen_Bovine
Summary: For monsters so different, it was amazing what they could find in common. (AKA, doG had to nerf us or we’d be too powerful.)





	Not Enough

**Author's Note:**

> I might continue this later, but for now I'll post it as a stand-alone. Also on [tumblr!](https://queenbovine.tumblr.com/post/183884027704/not-enough-undertale-fic)

“Alphys dear, tell me... Do you ever feel like...not enough?”

Squinting up from the comic book she’d been appraising for water damage, Alphys glanced around until she saw her ghostly companion floating above the surface of the water nearby. It had been their idea to spend this club meeting looking for more human paraphernalia in the dump near their family’s snail farm, and they were now staring at a human magazine laid out on top of a cooler.

Turned from her in a rare moment of vulnerability, they continued, “Do you ever feel as if you’re...stunted...in the place life has left you, and while you have potential beyond imagination, you could only reach that potential if you were somewhere else... _someone_ else. And if you could just be that person inside who’s fighting to get out, you could do _anything._ You could stop just existing and finally start _living.”_

Alphys didn’t move. She thought of the suffocating, overcrowded hovel in Hotland she’d grown up in, little better than the dump they were in now, and how she’d never be able to leave, because no one ever did, and where would they go, anyway? She thought of childhood science experiments performed with expired ingredients and kitchen utensils found in restaurant dumpsters, because nothing could be spared to buy the real deal. Secondhand engineering books “borrowed” from school that spoke of groundbreaking studies made possible by research grants and sophisticated equipment. Building cellphones and computers from parts that washed up in Waterfall, only for Bratty and Catty to refer to them as ‘the only good stuff to come out of your trash hobby.’

She knew it was a joke (and the two of them had no room to talk when they went searching through the dump almost as much as she did), but she couldn’t help but feel that it held some truth. They were garbage, weren’t they? Her hobbies, her interests, her hopes and dreams, all of them. They were garbage, because she was garbage, and she was garbage because that’s where she came from, and that was all she’d ever be. If only she’d come from somewhere that didn’t cling to its residents as tightly as a spider to gold, spinning webs of poverty and undereducation that were futile to escape. If only her parents had believed in her enough to let her take an internship in her teens, instead of convincing her to get a retail job so ‘at least she’d have a chance of supporting herself.’ If only she were better, smarter, more determined, less worthless and lazy. If only, if only, if only. It was simply the curse of all monsters to wish for what was eternally out of reach, and she was no different.

For a moment, she thought the ghost was going to elaborate further, but the moment of frustrated passion was gone as soon as it had come. Instead they produced a theatrical sigh and Alphys could imagine that, if they’d had hands, they would be dramatically raising them to the cavern ceiling. “But what can be done, darling? I had to be made this way, or I would simply be too much for the Underground to contain!”

Sensing their encroaching regret over the revealing outburst, Alphys pushed away the urge to let them both pretend it hadn’t happened, and hesitantly spoke up. “You mean, like, you’re not enough, b-but if just a few things were different, you could be?” She chuckled weakly. “Y-yeah...yeah, I do. That is, um, I feel that way. A lot.”

The ghost whipped around to face her, spectral eyes widening with surprise at her agreement. She chewed her tongue for a moment, then asked, “W-what would you be? If you, uh, could be anything, I mean.”

Her question spurred an excitement in them she hadn’t seen before. Snatching up the magazine they had been looking through beforehand, they flipped through its pages so she could see their contents. It held picture after picture of attractive humans, photographed with dynamic poses and sultry expressions that showed off their expensive clothing and stylish makeup.

“Look at them, Alphys!” they cried. “The beauty and charm, the absolute _glamour_ that these humans possess! Don’t they just _embody_ style and elegance? And these celebrities! Adored even by other humans not just for their alluring looks, but because they entertain and captivate their audiences by bringing light and color to their lives! To be an icon, beguiling and inspiring, like no monster ever has...I want to be _this,_ Alphys! Fashionable and gorgeous and visible to everyone!” They glanced distastefully down at their translucent body. _“This_ isn’t _me._ It never has been.”

She blinked, taken aback by the fervent response. “You, uh, you’ve thought about this a lot, huh?”

They huffed. “There really isn’t much else for me to think about these days. Blooky and I are the last of our cousins to not take a corporeal form. The subject has come up...quite frequently.” Shrugging off the topic of their family, they redirected the conversation. “Oh, my, but what about you, darling? Who is it that _you_ want to be?”

“M-me?” she stammered. If she could be someone else…? “Haha, well, I guess it would be nice to be a funded, certified researcher instead of a, a nerdy dumpster-diver.” Mostly she just wanted to be...better. Someone who succeeded, instead of failing all the time. Maybe being a renowned scientist was just too far out of reach. But. But maybe. Maybe there _were_ some things she could do to start on being a better person.

Alphys clenched her fists and, in a rare burst of confidence, said, “You know what? I don’t know if I can, or, or if it’s even possible, but if I ever find a way, I want to help! I want to help you get the body you’re looking for, and, well, I hope it _is_ possible.” She passed the magazine back and laughed shakily. “That’s, um, that’s what friends do for each other, right?”

She had never seen a smile so wide as the one that stretched across that ghost’s face as she pledged herself to their cause. “Of course!” they gushed. “And I will do everything I can to help you realize your dreams as well! We misfits must stick together.”  
She giggled again, grateful that they’d had this conversation. She felt...proud. Whether of herself, or her friend, she wasn’t sure, but it was a good feeling nonetheless. Anime was right, the power of friendship really did overcome everything.

Her alarm tone began sounding, muffled by her pocket. She fished out her phone, the second opening to _I Can’t Believe My Step-dad Is My Sword!_ piping from its speakers.

“Oh, no, I’ve got to go, I’ll be late for my shift!” She fumbled to turn the alarm off before shoving the phone back in her coat, and grabbed at the comic book and DVDs she’d recovered earlier. Her tail swept back and forth through the water as she started sloshing out of the dump as fast as she could. “Seeyoulaterbye!”

“Goodbye, darling! I think I’ll stick around and see if I can find another fancy diary for my collection. Oh, and Alphys?”

She paused. “Yeah?”

“Thank you,” they said, beaming. “You really are quite a gem, my dear.”

Feeling rather self-conscious, she grinned back awkwardly, blushing, then turned and trudged up the incline towards Blook Acres. As she hurried to the Waterfall landing, hoping that the River Person would already be there, joy bubbled inside her, filling some nameless void. Maybe nothing would come of their partnership. Maybe everything would. But whatever opportunities came, at least they’d take them together.

**Author's Note:**

> Anyone catch the Steven Universe reference?


End file.
